i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am one with the molecules
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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