Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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