nut hugger
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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