the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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