My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
