kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
