I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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