Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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