i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
