You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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