You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
