Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
