i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
