After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
