I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
