i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
