he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize