how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize