Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
