not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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