Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
