what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
