Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
