The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
