Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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