I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
