I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I FOUND THE LEGS
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
