This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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