Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
