Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize