I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
