I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
