I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
