You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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