I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
