lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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