We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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