This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
