did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize