weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
porn star boner night. come get it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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