R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
NoShamevember. You game?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
