OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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