Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
