You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
