so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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