tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
