i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Will exercising make me less horny?
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