i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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