I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
