I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the liver wants what the liver wants
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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