i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize