i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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