What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
