i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
