Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
