Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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