His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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