I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
