Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
