I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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