Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
