I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
