In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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