i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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