Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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