I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
