Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
