Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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