Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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