I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
