PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
