Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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