Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
