i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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