What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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