1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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