it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
