He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
