im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
