I can text with my tongue
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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