You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
