there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize